just keep swimming

dear friend,

no matter what... cutting or suicide is not a solution. i know it is difficult for you to be going through all of this shit right now... and you have all this built up anger and pain... but know that we are still here for you...

i've been through that phase and have friends who have succeeded... but it only causes more pain for those who care. And i understand where you are coming from... cause i can see that it is hurting you... to have to compromise living your life... i can feel the anger you have when you need to leave a room cause of the situation... i can feel your pain as you talk about wanting to just go to the police, or counseling, or g.life... i can see your pain when you hear/see that he has no respect for how you are feeling... but know that we are here! noah has your back... he's helping make sure you can live your life, you know that!... i am here to help you... to be there when you need to text vent... or to be there in person when you need someone to talk to... when you are breaking down. you have a lot of other friends who support you as well... just keep swimming, cause your true friends will be swimming alongside you.

sorry my thoughts been all over the place... but the main thing is that we are here for you.

your friend,

david

Needed to vent...

In this world that we live in, we are put into situations you really don’t need and want to be in. Sometimes, these situations are easy to handle; other times, it feels as if you have been violently thrown into a whirlpool that continues to treat you violently as you are sucked down to the bottom with no air to aid your suffocating. It is such situations that continue to plague my life. Situation after situation burdens my life and assist my downfall. Even the littlest things stress, frustrate, hurt, and anger me. Sometimes I think about a better life. I wish for peace and no stress. I hope for no pain and no pressure. I dream of no sadness. But reality hits me and I am back to my mediocre (if that) life of pain, anger, suffering, and depression. When will I be happy… like I was back in time when not a worry in life brought me down? Why can’t I just hover?… Hover above all my David-destructive (hmm) situations? I don’t know what to do. I never felt so frustrated and angry. There is just too much for me to handle. Sometimes I just think my life, and many others would be better if mine seized to exist. Life is so complicated. It is so hard to understand. It is difficult to manage. Lets just face the facts, as much as we like to think our lives are good and great, there are those problems that still exist. You can hide from it, avoid it, and block it out. But it is still there. Try and run from it, it will only catch up to you. And when it does, what happens next?…

Packing away the memories...

So the other day I started packing up the CLAY CT house and it was bittersweet. My room have pictures of the past, stuff to remind me of Hawaii, and memories all over the place. But I'm glad to be moving on... to a new place. One chapter closed, another about to begin. I decided to take a few pictures of what my room looks like...

staring blankly ahead...

Staring blankly ahead, I lose myself. Lost in this world, I feel as if I no longer know where I am going. What's ahead of me? Where will I end up? How will I get there? Who will I be? These questions constantly flow through my head as I stare blankly ahead.

These days it's so easy to lose yourself... or doubt yourself. I mean you can get so wrapped up in daily chores, tasks, annoyances... that you start going 100mph towards nothing. It seems as if we all are working towards something... some people have it set in their heads on what they want... others are still trying to figure that out. But as you continue to try and figure it out... time flies by... and you start to drown in a whirlpool of confusion, fear, and uncertainty.

I've always wanted to be a Doctor.. and still want to be one. I got good grades, I got accepted into Medical School, I made it happen. But I believe things happen for a reason... and the situation that I am currently in made me realize that maybe this is not what I am supposed to be doing. I have always followed "things will fall as they should" and so I just go with the flow.

As lost as I may be, I guess I have to just stare blankly ahead... Things will happen. Eventually I'll figure out what's my calling. Who knows... maybe it is destined that I become a Doctor. But whichever the case, the life I live and want is a happy life. As stressful, difficult, and confusing it may be at times, I can say that it's a good one. I have a wonderful family, awesome friends, and I am healthy. No one likes to be lost, confused, and uncertain... but if you overcome that... and not let it control your life.... then all is good... it's okay to stare blankly ahead. .. for now.

The Tree

Side note: Sorry I was rushing through this cause I had to go somewhere. So my thoughts might be all over the place and not make sense! :)

I decided to post this picture I took a long time ago. I call it the bare tree. As it stands there, naked, leaves fallen, and alone... I couldn't help but think that i feel for this tree.

The way I see it is that we go through life full of obstacles. These obstacles can break you down... strip you of your leaves... and leave you feeling so alone. Piece by piece, a part of you falls... until you become so lost. . . confused. . . and afraid. As you stand there wondering what's next, all you have is that vision of all the pieces that you have lost.. the leaves all on the ground... and you are no longer you.

But it's what you do next that shows your true character. Will you just give up.. and let the obstacle get the best of you? or will you weather the storm and pick yourself back up again? I choose the latter. As down as you may be you have to pick yourself up. You can't be defeated. Yes you have lost a part of you... but you can get that back... and gain even more.

Your leaves will fall... you'll become that bare tree... lost and alone... but just stay strong, soar over any bump, do not fall. Because when the sun finally shines... your leaves will grow... no longer will you be lost and alone... and no longer a bare tree.

let's go for a walk...

Yesterday, me, Noah, Veronica and Ranica decided to go for a walk to McDonalds... And it took me back to the good 'ol days.. when I was a kid. I remember being able to and always wanting to walk anywhere... to the beach... to the store. to the river. to explore... explore the city. And now, we hardly walk.. explore.. or do anything so carefree like that. Maybe we all need to go back to that... back to being carefree and explorers. Life seemed so much more happier... and stress free.

So I say to you.. let's go for a walk.

Shoyu and Rice!

Today I spent 7 hours taking inventory and organizing Hawaii Club stuff. When I was done I was so hungry and I had the best lunch EVER. Well I didn't have much to choose from but decided on shoyu and rice. sooo ONO! A dish so simple, yet so delicious. It made me realize that it is the simple things in life that makes me happy....

Much love and aloha,

David